Book summary: How to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie.

What you get in this post: in this post, I have covered all chapter’s lessons

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Table of Contents

Why do you have to read How to Win Friends and Influence People book summary?

Reason: The only book you’ll ever need to succeed.



Break out of a mental rut, and develop fresh ideas, new perspectives, and new goals.

Gain more popularity influence, and power by making friends quickly and easily, winning people over to your point of view, handling complaints, averting conflicts, and maintaining cordial relationships with others.

Improve your public speaking and conversational skills. engender enthusiasm among your colleagues.

Want to know how?

Favorite quote: “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

Let’s get started.

Part 1: Fundamental techniques in handling people.

Chapter 1: If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.

Let’s indulge in some stinging criticism today, regardless of how confident we are that it is justified if you and I want to incite resentment tomorrow that could linger for decades and last until death.

Let’s keep in mind that people are not logical beings when dealing with them. We are dealing with emotional beings that are driven by pride and vanity as well as by prejudice.

Thomas Hardy, one of the greatest novelists to ever contribute to English literature, gave up fiction writing for good due to bitter criticism. The English poet Thomas Chatterton committed suicide as a result of criticism.

Benjamin Franklin, who was impolite when he was younger, developed into a skilled diplomat and people manager and was appointed American Ambassador to France.

What is the key to his success? He declared, “I will speak well of everyone and never speak evil of a man.”

Any fool can complain, criticize, and condemn, and the majority of fools do.

To be understanding and forgiving, however, requires character and restraint.

Chapter 2: the big secret of dealing with people.

To get anyone to do anything, there is only one way in heaven. Have you ever given it any thought? A single way, yes. Making the other person want to do it is how you accomplish this.

Recall that there is no other option.

Of course, putting a revolver in someone’s ribs will make them want to give you his watch. By threatening to fire them, you can coerce your employees into working with you until you turn your back on them.

A whip or a threat will get a kid to do what you want them to.

These imprecise techniques, however, have incredibly unfavorable effects.

Giving you what you want is the only way I can persuade you to do anything.

What would you like?

Everything you and I do, according to Sigmund Freud, is driven by the sex urge and the desire to succeed.

One of America’s most insightful philosophers, John Dewey, expressed it slightly differently. According to Dr. Dewey, “the desire to be important” is the most fundamental human urge.

The desire to be important is a phrase you should keep in mind. It is important. It will come up quite a bit in this book.

What would you like? There aren’t many things you really want, but the few things you do want are insatiably lustful. Among the things that most people desire are:

1 Health and the preservation of life.

2 Food.

3 Sleep.

4 Money and the things money will buy.

5 Life in the hereafter.

6 Sexual gratification.

7 The well-being of our children.

8 A feeling of importance.

All but one of these desires are typically satisfied. But there is one yearning that is rarely satisfied. It is almost as intense and imperious as the need for food or sleep.

Freud referred to it as “the desire to be great.” Dewey refers to it as the “desire to be important.”

An uneducated person’s desire for a sense of importance was what drove

You want to talk about your smart kids, drive the newest cars, and wear the newest fashions because of this desire.

Many boys and girls are drawn into gangs and criminal organizations by this desire.

taking part in illegal activity.

Over time, flattery will actually work against you.

Flattery is fake, and if you give it to someone else, just like with fake money, it will eventually get you into trouble.

What separates flattery from appreciation? That is easy. One is sincere, while the other is not. One comes from the bottom of the heart, the other from the top.

One person is selfless, while the other is not. One is universally praised, while everyone despises the other.

Leave flattery out. Express sincere gratitude that is genuine.

People will treasure and repeat your words for a lifetime, even years after you have forgotten them if you are “hearty in your approval and lavish in your praise.”

Chapter 3: he who can do this has the whole world with him, he who cannot walk a lonely way.

Why do we discuss what we want? That is naive. Absurd. You are naturally curious about what you want. You are always intrigued by it. Nobody else is, though.

Like you, the rest of us are only interested in what we want.

Therefore, the only way to influence other people is to discuss their desires and demonstrate how to obtain them.

When you are attempting to persuade someone to do something tomorrow, keep that in mind.

For instance, if you don’t want your kids to smoke, don’t lecture them or express your opinions; instead, show them how smoking could prevent them from making the basketball team or winning the 100-yard dash.

Since the day you were born, every action you have taken has been motivated by a desire for something.

Part 2: Six ways to make people like you.

Chapter 1: Do this and you will be welcome anywhere.

Why would someone read this book to learn how to make friends? Why not learn from the greatest friend-winner the world has ever seen? He is who?

He might pass you tomorrow as he walks down the street. He will start to wag his tail as soon as you are ten feet away from him.

He will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you if you stop and pat him. And you are aware that there are no hidden agendas driving his display of affection for you; he has no desire to propose marriage to you or try to sell you any property.

Have you ever given it thought that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t require outside employment? A canary must sing, a cow must give milk, and a hen must lay eggs.

A dog, however, lives off of giving you nothing but love.

You had an intuitive sense that you could make more friends in two months by showing genuine interest in others than you could in two years by attempting to pique their interest. Let me say that again. By showing interest in others, you can make more friends in two months than you can in two years of attempting to pique their interest.

However, you and I both know people who stumble through life while attempting to sway others into showing an interest in them.

It obviously doesn’t work. You don’t hold anyone’s attention. They don’t care about me. Both before and after dinner, they are only concerned with themselves.

Let’s engage in animated and enthusiastic greetings if we want to make friends.

Chapter 2: A good way to make a good first impression.

A woman who had inherited money attended a dinner party in New York and was eager to make a good impression on everyone.

She had wasted a respectable sum of money on sables, diamonds, and pearls. However, she had made absolutely no changes to her face.

It exuded bitterness and self-interest. She was unaware of what everyone knows: that one’s facial expression is far more significant than the clothing on their back.

A smile conveys the message “I like you,” and actions speak louder than words. You bring me joy. I’m happy to see you.

That explains why dogs are so popular. They almost jump out of their skins with joy when they see us. We are therefore naturally happy to see them.

The same thing happens when a baby smiles.

Even when a smile is hidden, it still has a strong impact.

The “phone power” program, which is available to employees who use the phone to sell their services or goods, is offered by telephone companies across the United States.

This program advises you to smile while speaking on the phone.

Your voice carries a hint of a “smile.”

Your goodwill is communicated through your smile.

Everyone who sees your smile is made happier. Your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds to someone who has seen a dozen people scowl, frown, or turn their faces away.

A smile can make someone realize that all is not lost and that there is joy in the world, especially when that person is under pressure from his bosses, customers, teachers, parents, or children.

Chapter 3: If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble.

A name can occasionally be challenging to recall, especially if it is difficult to pronounce. Many people choose to ignore it or refer to the person by a simple nickname rather than even attempting to learn it.

According to the author, Sid Levy spent some time speaking with Nicodemus Papadopoulos, a client. He was commonly referred to as “Nick.”

Before making his call, Levy made a special effort to repeat his name to himself several times, he said.

He was surprised when I addressed him by his full name: “Good afternoon, Mr. Nicodemus Papadoulos.” There was no response from him for what felt like a long time.

Finally, he said, “Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I’ve been in this country, nobody has ever bothered to call me by my right name.” as tears streamed down his cheeks.

What led Andrew Carnegie to be successful?

Despite being known as the Steel King, he had little personal experience with steel production. He employed hundreds of people who were far more knowledgeable about steel than he was.

But his interpersonal skills were what made him wealthy.

Chapter 4: An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist.

What is the formula, the key to acing a business interview? Charles W. Eliot, a former president of Harvard, asserts that “successful business encounters are not mysterious.” It’s crucial to pay full attention to the person speaking to you. Nothing else is quite as flattering.

In the world of business as well as in one’s personal life, listening is crucial.

For example, the author says: When one of her kids wanted to talk to her, Croton-on-Hudson, New York resident Millie Esposito made it a point to pay close attention.

Robert and her mother were in the kitchen one evening when Robert said, “Mom, I know that you love me very much.” They had just finished talking about something that was on his mind.

In response, Mrs. Esposito said, “Of course, I love you very much. Did you have a doubt?”

No, but I really know you love me because you always stop what you’re doing and listen to me when I want to talk to you about something, Robert retorted.

Chapter 5: How to interest people.

For example, the author says: The depth and breadth of Theodore Roosevelt’s knowledge astounded every visitor he ever had. Roosevelt knew what to say, whether his visitor was a cowboy, a Rough Rider, a New York politician, or a diplomat.

how was it carried out? There was an easy solution. Roosevelt always stayed up late the night before a visitor, reading up on the subject he knew his guest would be particularly interested in.

Roosevelt understood that the best way to a person’s heart is to discuss the things that person values most, as do all other leaders.

Chapter 6: How to make people like you instantly.

The most significant rule of human behavior is one.

We won’t have many problems if we follow that law. In fact, if we follow that law, we will make a ton of friends and always be happy.

However, we will face unending trouble the moment we break the law. Make the other person feel significant at all times.

The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. The desire to be appreciated is the most fundamental aspect of human nature.

Disraeli, one of the smartest men to ever lead the British Empire, advised people to “talk to people about themselves.”

“Talk about yourself with people and they will listen for hours.”

Part 3: How to win people to your way of thinking.

Chapter 1: You can’t win an argument.

Nine times out of ten, a debate ends with each participant more adamant than ever that he is entirely correct.

You cannot prevail in a debate. You can’t do it because whether you win or lose, you always lose. Why? Let’s say you defeat the other man, discredit his claims, and establish that he is not acting rationally.

Next, what? You’ll be comfortable. What about him, though? He now feels inferior to you. You’ve wounded his pride. He’ll be angry about your success. And – A man who was persuaded against his will is still of the same opinion.

Chapter 2: A Sure Way of making enemies, and how to avoid it.

You can go to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day if you can be confident that you will be correct only 55% of the time.

Why should you declare someone wrong if you can’t be certain of being correct even 55% of the time?

Just as effectively as using words, you can tell someone they’re wrong with a look, your intonation, or a gesture.

But does telling someone they’re wrong make them want to agree with you? Never! Because you’ve directly insulted their intellect, judgment, pride, and self-respect. They’ll feel compelled to retaliate as a result.

But it will never make them want to change their minds.

Never start a sentence with, “I’m going to show you, so-and-so.” That’s bad. That is equivalent to asserting that I am smarter than you. I’m going to say a few things to you that might cause you to rethink your position.

That is difficult. Before you even begin, it incites opposition and makes the listener want to engage in combat with you.

Even in the most favorable circumstances, it is challenging to influence people’s opinions. So why do it more difficult? Why make yourself less able?

Never reveal what you are going to prove to anyone. Do it so deftly and skillfully that nobody will notice you are doing it.

Chapter 3: If you are wrong admit it.

A certain amount of satisfaction comes from having the courage to accept one’s mistakes. It not only clears the air of defensiveness and guilt, but it also frequently aids in resolving the issue the error caused.

Any fool can attempt to justify their errors, and most fools do; however, admitting one’s errors sets one apart from the crowd and inspires a sense of nobility and jubilation.

Chapter 4: A drop of honey.

You will enjoy expressing your emotions IF YOUR TEMPER IS aroused and you tell I’m a thing or two. What about the opposing party, though?

Will he concur with your joy? Will he find it simple to agree with you given your hostile demeanor and belligerent tone?

Lincoln said that, in effect, over a hundred years ago.

Here are his words: It is an old and true maxim that ‘a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’ So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.

Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.

Remember what Lincoln said: ‘A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’

Chapter 5: The Secrets of Socrates.

When speaking with someone, avoid bringing up your differences right away. Start by emphasizing the points you both agree on and keep doing so. If at all possible, keep stressing that you are both working toward the same goal and that the only thing separating you is a method, not the purpose.

Get the other person to start by saying, “Yes, yes.” If at all possible, prevent your opponent from saying “No.”

The skilled speaker immediately receives a lot of “Yes” responses. This gets the listeners’ psychological responses going in the right direction. It resembles the motion of a pool ball. It requires some force to deflect a propel in one direction, but much more force is required to send it back in the opposite direction.

Here, the psychological patterns are quite obvious. When someone says “No” and really means it, they are doing much more than just uttering a two-letter word.

The entire body, including the glands, nervous system, and muscles, gathers into a state of rejection.

There is a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal, typically in a minute but occasionally in a discernible degree. In short, the entire neuromuscular system prepares itself for rejection.

On the other hand, none of the withdrawal activities occur when a person responds “Yes.”

The organism has an optimistic, accepting, and open frame of mind.

Therefore, the more “Yeses” we can get from people right away, the more likely it is that we will succeed in getting their attention for our final proposal.

Chapter 6: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

Most people who are trying to persuade others to adopt their viewpoint talk too much about themselves. Let the others resolve themselves through discussion.

They are more knowledgeable than you about their operations and issues.

So, inquire of them. Let them share a few details with you.

You might be tempted to cut them off if you disagree. But refrain. It poses a threat. While they still have a lot of their own ideas that are begging to be expressed, they won’t pay attention to you.

As a result, listen carefully and objectively. Sincerity is key. Encourage them to fully express their thoughts.

Chapter 7: How to get co-operation

DON’T YOU HAVE more faith in ideas that you come up with on your own than in ideas that are spoon-fed to you?

If so, wouldn’t it be impolite to try to force your beliefs down other people’s throats? Isn’t it better to offer advice and let the other person come to their own conclusions?

Nobody enjoys the sensation of being pressured into buying something or acting in a certain way. We much prefer to believe that the decisions we make about what to buy or how to act are our own. We enjoy having our wants, needs, and thoughts heard.

Making the other person feel as though the idea is their own is effective not only in business and politics, but also in family relationships.

Chapter 8: A formula that will work wonders for you.


They do not, however.

Do not judge them. Any idiot can pull that off. Be sure to comprehend them. Only exceptional, wise, and tolerant people even attempt to do that.

The other man thinks and behaves in the manner that he does for a reason. Find it out, and you’ll have the answer to his behavior and perhaps even his personality.

Put yourself in his shoes as honestly as you can.

You will save yourself time and annoyance if you ask yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?” Because, as the saying goes, “By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect,”

You will also notice a significant improvement in your ability to interact with others.

Chapter 9: What everybody wants.

Remember that the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, and unreasoningly deserve very little discredit for being who they are.

You deserve very little credit for being who you are. Feel bad for the miserable devils. Sadly, they.

Feel their plight. “There, but for the grace of God, go I,” tell yourself.

You will encounter three-fourths of people who are desperate for empathy. If you give it to them, they’ll adore you.

Chapter 10: An appeal that everybody likes.

The only sound basis on which to proceed when no information about the customer can be obtained is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful, willing, and eager to pay the charges, once convinced that they are accurate.

People are honest and want to fulfill their obligations, to put it another way, and perhaps more directly.

There are relatively few exceptions to the rule, but in general, people who have a tendency to chisel will respond favorably if you give them the impression that you value their honesty, uprightness, and fairness.

Chapter 11: The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?

There are numerous instances of dramatic techniques being used to sell products in television commercials.

Analyze what the advertisers do in each of their presentations one evening as you sit down in front of the television.

You’ll notice how one brand of soap or detergent cleans a greasy shirt while the other brand leaves it grey, or how one antacid medicine changes the color of the acid in a test tube while its rival doesn’t.

You’ll get to watch a car maneuver through a series of turns and curves, which is much more effective than just hearing about it. Faces with smiles will display satisfaction with a range of goods.

All of these effectively convey to the audience the benefits offered by whatever is being sold, which encourages people to purchase it.

If you also want to sell any of your ideas, then start selling them by dramatizing.

Chapter 12: When nothing else works try this.

The motto of the King’s Guard in ancient Greece was “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.”

The chance to conquer those fears presents the greatest challenge possible.

The work itself was the only significant factor that motivated people. If the work was engaging and interesting, the employee anticipated doing it and was inspired to perform well.

Every successful person enjoys playing games. the ability to express oneself. the opportunity to succeed, to win, and to demonstrate one’s value. This is the basis for pie-eating competitions, hog-calling, and foot races. a desire to succeed.

The need for a sense of significance.

Part 4: Be a leader: 

How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

Chapter 1: If you must find the fault, this is the way to begin.

Commencing with praise is similar to a dentist starting his work by administering Novocain. Although the patient is still given drilling, Novocain provides pain relief. A good leader will use.

For example, the author says:

“We recently hired a young woman to train as a teller. She had excellent communication with our customers. She handled individual transactions precisely and quickly. When it came time to balance out at the end of the day, the issue arose. I was approached by the head teller, who urged me to dismiss this individual.

She is delaying everyone else because she is balancing out so slowly. I’ve repeatedly shown her, but she still doesn’t get it. She must leave.

The following day, I saw her handling routine daily transactions quickly and accurately while also being friendly to our clients.

It didn’t take long to figure out why she struggled with balance. I visited her after the office had shut down to speak with her. It was clear that she was anxious and upset.

I complimented her for being so approachable and friendly with the customers as well as for the accuracy and efficiency of her work.

Then I suggested that we reevaluate the process we employ to balance the cash drawer.

When she realized I believed in her, she readily followed my instructions and soon became proficient in this task. Since then, we have not encountered any issues with her.

Chapter 2: How to criticize and not be hated for it.

Many critics start out by sincerely praising the subject, then adding the word “but” and a critical statement.

For instance, in an effort to change a child’s lax approach to studying, we might say, “Johnnie, we’re so proud of you for improving your grades this term.”

But the outcomes would have been better if you had put more effort into your algebra.

Until he heard the word “but,” Johnnie might have felt inspired in this situation.

The original praise’s sincerity might then come under scrutiny by him. To him, the compliment appeared to be nothing more than a staged preamble to an implied criticism of failure.

We probably wouldn’t succeed in changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies, and his credibility would suffer.

This could be easily avoided by switching the word “but” for the word “and.” We’re so proud of you, Johnnie, for improving your grades this term.

If you put forth the same diligent effort next term, your algebra grade will catch up to the rest.

Johnnie would now accept the compliment because there was no indication of failure in the wake of the compliment.

Since we indirectly called his attention to the behavior we wanted to change, the likelihood is that he will make an effort to live up to our expectations.

Chapter 3: Talk about your own mistake first.

Even if one hasn’t fixed them, admitting one’s own errors can persuade someone to alter his behavior.

When Clarence Zerhusen of Timonium, Maryland, learned that his fifteen-year-old son was experimenting with cigarettes, he provided a more recent example of this.

Naturally, I didn’t want David to smoke, Mr. Zerhusen said, but since both his mother and I smoked, we were constantly setting a poor example for him.

I told Dave that I had started smoking around the same time he had, that the nicotine had gotten the better of me, and that it was now almost impossible for me to quit.

I reminded him of how annoying my cough was and how he had recently pressed me to quit smoking. I didn’t urge him to stop, threaten him, or caution him about the risks.

I only mentioned my addiction to cigarettes and what it had meant to me. After giving it some thought, he resolved to wait to start smoking until after high school.

David never started smoking and has no intention of doing so in the future.

Chapter 4: No one likes to take orders

In addition to making an order more palatable, asking questions frequently inspires the creativity of the people you ask.

If a person participated in the decision that led to the order’s issuance, they are more likely to accept it.

Chapter 5: Let the other person save face.

Even if we are absolutely correct and the other person is unquestionably mistaken, we only damage ego by making someone look bad.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, a renowned French author and aviation pioneer, once said: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.”

What he thinks of himself is more important than what I think of him. To insult a man’s decency is wrong.

A true leader will never disobey.

Chapter 6: How to spur people on to success

An example provided by the author: PETE BARLOW was a longtime friend of mine. He spent his entire life touring with circuses and vaudeville performances with a dog-and-pony act.

I cherished seeing Pete raise new dogs for his act. I observed that whenever a dog made even the smallest progress, Pete would pat, praise, reward, and make a big deal out of it.

That is not brand-new. That method has been employed for centuries by animal trainers.

I find it curious that we don’t approach human change with the same common sense we do canine change. Why don’t we substitute meat for the whip?

Why don’t we praise rather than criticize? Let’s celebrate even the smallest advancement.

That motivates the other person to keep getting better.

Chapter 7: Give a dog a good name.

Act as though a certain trait was already one of the person’s outstanding qualities if you want to improve them in that area.

Shakespeare once penned the line, “Assume a virtue, if you lack it.” Additionally, it might be a good idea to openly assume that other people already possess the virtue you wish to see them acquire.

Give them a good reputation to uphold, and they will exert extraordinary effort so they don’t have to witness your disappointment.

Chapter 8: Make the fault seem easy to correct.

When you tell your child, spouse, or employee that they are bad at something, don’t have the talent for it, or are doing it incorrectly, you almost completely eliminate any motivation to try to get better.

However, if you use the opposite strategy—be liberal with your encouragement, make the task appear simple, and let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to complete it and that he has a natural talent for it—he will practice until dawn breaks in order to succeed.

Chapter 9: Making people glad to do what you want.

When it’s time to alter attitudes or behaviors, an effective leader should keep the following principles in mind:

1 Be genuine. Never make a promise that you can’t keep. Put the advantages to yourself out of your mind and focus on the advantages of the other person.

2 Clearly understand what you want the other person to do.

3. Show empathy. Consider what the other person truly desires.

4 Take into account the advantages that a person will experience if they follow your advice.

5 Align those advantages with the other person’s desires.

6. When making your request, present it in a way that will give the other person the impression that he will gain something from it personally.

Thank you for your time.

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