How to win friends and influence people: key takeaways

Favorite quote: “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

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How to Win Friends and Influence People Book summary in 3 sentences.

People sometimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention and get a feeling of importance.

If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out there to help others in ways that demand time, effort, selflessness, and consideration.

You will encounter three-fourths of people who are desperate for empathy. If you give it to them, they’ll adore you.

The five key takeaways from How to Win Friends and Influence People.

The rare person who genuinely satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of their hands and “even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.” This is a gnawing and constant human hunger.

I can identify you if you tell me where you get your sense of importance. Your character is determined by that. The most important quality about you is that.

What separates flattery from appreciation? That is easy. One is sincere, while the other is not. One comes from the bottom of the heart, the other from the top. One person is selfless, while the other is. One is universally praised, while everyone despises the other.

Like every other rule of interpersonal communication, expressing interest must be genuine. It must be profitable for both the person displaying the interest and the person being paid attention to.

A man must have a smile on his face in order to open a store.

Top 10 lessons from How to Win Friends and Influence People book.

You might occasionally succeed if you argue, berate, and contradict, but that success will always be hollow because you will never win your opponent’s goodwill.

When someone says “No” and really means it, they are doing much more than just uttering a two-letter word. The entire body, including the glands, nervous system, and muscles, gathers into a state of rejection.

By showing interest in others, you can make more friends in two months than you can by attempting to pique their interest over the course of two years.

Anyone who is a fool can complain, criticize, and condemn—and most fools do. To be understanding and forgiving, however, requires character and restraint.

“Happiness is something that everyone in the world wants, and there is only one sure way to get it. You do that by exercising mental restraint. Happiness is independent of external circumstances. It is based on internal circumstances.

“If you tell someone about themselves, they will listen for hours.”

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile conveys the message, ‘I like you.'” You bring me joy. “I am delighted to see you.”

“You cannot prevail in a debate. You can’t because both winning and losing are mutually exclusive.

“Be interested to be interesting.”

All men have fears, but the brave overcome them and move forward, sometimes risking their lives but always succeeding.

Action steps FROM How to win friends and influence people.

From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous. ‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,’ said Confucious, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean.’

Let us try to understand people rather than condemn them. Let us try to figure out why they behave the way they do. That is far more profitable and interesting than criticism, and it fosters sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. ‘To know everything is to forgive everything.’

Keep in mind this rule if you want people to like you, if you want to make genuine friends, and if you want to help others while also helping yourself.

Rule: Show genuine interest in other people.

Not only kings and business executives should value the value of remembering and using names. We are all able to use it.

Keep in mind that a person’s name is the sweetest and most significant sound in any language to that person.

Listen carefully. Encourage others to share their stories.

Discuss the interests of the other person.

Genuinely make the other person feel important.

Basically, persuade people to adopt your way of thinking.

Avoiding an argument is the only way to win one.

Respect other people’s viewpoints. Never tell someone they’re wrong.

Admit your mistakes as soon as possible and vehemently.

Make a good first impression.

Immediately elicit a “yes, yes” from the other person.

Give the other person a lot of the talking to do.

Give the other person the impression that the idea is their own.

Make an honest effort to consider other people’s perspectives.

Show empathy for the thoughts and desires of others.

Invoke your nobler intentions.

Make your ideas dramatic.

Put forth a test.

A leader’s duties frequently include influencing the attitudes and behaviors of their followers. Here are some ideas for achieving this:

PRINCIPLE 1 Start by praising and appreciating something.

PRINCIPLE 2 Indirectly draw attention to people’s errors.

PRINCIPLE 3 Address your own errors before criticizing others.

PRINCIPLE 4 Rather than giving orders directly, pose questions.

PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person keep their face.

PRINCIPLE 6 Give positive feedback on even the smallest advancements. “Be hearty in your approval and lavish in your praise,” the Bible says.

PRINCIPLE 7: Set a high standard for the other person to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8: Be supportive. Make it appear simple to fix the issue.

Principle 9: Encourage the other person to take the action you recommend.

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